Waking up to when the 9/11 attacks happened, I knew right then and there that I was going to join the military. I wanted to do something, to kind of — have a purpose.
I graduated really early from high school. So I graduated at 16, but I had to wait till I was 17 for my parents to legally sign the waiver for me to go in. I was the first ever to join the military. For my mom it was easy, I guess. She was, like, disconnected. My dad, also. The only one who gave a shit was my Grandma. She’s like, are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure you want to do this? I was like, yeah grandma. I told her the story about watching it on TV and just having no purpose in life thus far. I need to have a purpose.
So I ended up joining the military. I went in, did my thing, basic training, all that stuff. Fought for our country. Went to two tours, Afghanistan and Iraq. It was such a camaraderie that I like, ached for my whole life. You meet people from all over the US and Puerto Rico. It was just like I’m not alone. Because it doesn’t matter where the fuck you come from. This person can potentially say your life, when it comes to like, a combat zone. So everything else goes out the window. I got injured on my last tour in Afghanistan. And I was what is called medically boarded, medically retired, because I was no longer fit for duty. But it was just like, I– that was my escape. And then whenever that got taken away, I was just like, ‘what the fuck do I do now?’
So we’ve had pretty in-depth conversations about crossing the border. My grandmother, with my mom, they crossed the border, I believe, twice. They got caught the first time. They separated them. So Grandma was with my mom and two of her sisters, and then my two uncles were separated from their mom. My grandmother, she’s a tough one. I remember my grandmother being like ‘fuck that, no. No one’s gonna take me away from my children regardless of the legality behind it,’ like ‘I’m not going anywhere without all of my children here. It’s not gonna happen with me.’ They eventually got them back together, put them on a bus and sent them back. And then they tried it again, and they were able to come through.
My older sister who lives not too far from here, her husband crossed the border back in 2008. He was granted a residency. But the process to even get that appointment took about 10 years. He had three children– still has three children. Every time he was driving to work, he was like ‘if I get pulled over, I’m fucked. Even if my brake light is out, and I get pulled over, like this is it. I remember one year he was going to work and he was told by a friend, ‘Hey, there is a ICE checkpoint.’ He exited as soon as he could, turned around and went back home. Cause they were stationed there, just grabbing people.
It was painted as a beautiful picture: as long as you get to the US you’re good. Little did they know, though, that…people look at you second class, you know?
And it sucks to hear that like a lot of people going like, ‘oh the rapists are coming over, the murderers, the drugs’– You’re focusing on the wrong people. And so it is confusing and it sucks because it’s just the way it is. People are coming here to be better. And that’s taken away from them because of the color of their skin, and their status in this country. But people that are like, at their lowest lows– it’s like what do I have to lose? And they get here and then realize that they have a lot to lose.
When I used to work in house at the hospital as a biomed, I would have to go into patient rooms. If something went down, like a piece of equipment went down, I would have to go in there and try to fix a problem. This monitor was going fucking crazy. I was in the ICU, but they were awake, they were aware. And he was just like– I don’t want that Mexican girl back in here.
I did the hard part I guess, being in the military. Being gay, in the military. In that moment when it was don’t ask don’t tell, going through fucking war zones, like that’s hard. And then coming back here and still getting like the bigotry– like just stupid shit. I told Lauren, as soon we can get the fuck out of Texas I want to.
In a way, I feel like, Texas wants to be independent of every other state– being its own country, in a way. Why not start with the most obvious, I guess– the border. People are losing their lives. If you want to spend that type of money, I guess to protect the Border you don’t have to kill anybody in the process and you don’t have to make these stupid ass fucking laws–
Viv is talking about Senate Bill 4, or SB4, which would authorize both state and local police in Texas to arrest anyone suspected of illegally crossing the Southern US border. Texas lawmakers passed the bill in 2023, and it was scheduled to go into effect in March of 2024. However, lawsuits filed by advocacy groups, the federal government, and El Paso county sent SB4 to the 5th circuit of appeals, temporarily blocking it. The 5th circuit has yet to rule on whether SB4 will be allowed to go into effect in the state of Texas. Opponents of the bill argue that it’s unconstitutional, as immigration law falls under federal authority. And there are also concerns that SB4 will lead to (further) racial profiling by police in the state of Texas.
We’re all human, and it sucks that you are basically like, put in a category. Because if you’re not white, you have the potential of getting arrested. I’m a US citizen, and still, because of the color of my skin I can get arrested for no fucking reason.
And I can only imagine, I am a US citizen– I can get out of it. And all of these other people have to worry every single day, going to work, going to the grocery store, not doing anything wrong?
Like, how is this fixing the problem? It’s going to affect more than the governor thinks, it’s going to affect more productivity than the governor thinks, it’s going to affect a lot of industries in a very big way. To prove a point– I don’t know that the point is by passing this law? Because there are so many people who do not do and cannot do the jobs that immigrants can and are willing to do.
I think the Fort Worth Police Department said, you know, if and when the bill passes, if it were to pass– that, they’re like, ‘we have other shit to deal with.’ You know crime, murder, shit like that. I don’t know what Greg Abbott is trying to do, I really don’t know. Is there like a complex, or? But it takes one person like him in power to say shit like that, and people will follow.
It was almost easy to be in a war zone, having a little bit of control over your next move. Then being here.
But I don’t want to give them even more…like, give them their way– ‘oh if we keep enforcing these bullshit laws, maybe they’ll leave?’ And I think it’s, it’s working. It’s sad. It’s scary. Cause I’ve spent most… more than half of my life here in Texas and I like it. I mean, I love it in a way. My family, my friends are here, you know. And even thinking about like, ‘as soon as we can, we’ll get out of here.’ It’s almost just like giving him that power back.
Finally it just clicked for me– I can’t be in fear because I’m not doing anything wrong. Like I started being the friendliest– being my genuine self. And it was almost like they didn’t expect that from me. I think I’m at that place, though, where I’m not afraid of being who I am. Listening and talking and helping others. Like, I know that there’s so much more out there that I can learn from other people.
I feel like I have a lot to give, and I love doing it– like, that’s just who I am.”